A BELATED THANK YOU

     My husband and I got invited to a skateboard gala this week.  It was a complete random chance of an event- a complete coincidence at a Lululemon store that got us to this event...   I DON'T BELIEVE IN COINCIDENCES- I BELIEVE IN GOD INCIDENCES.  

    We were out shopping and ran into an employee among the 15 other employees working who was a skateboarder.  My husband struck up a conversation with him and he told us in only 6 days there was going to be a skateboard gala event in our town- he gave us the website information and contact information on the spot to get tickets and get in touch with the organizer of the event.  We had no plans for that evening and got tickets just before they sold out.   This gala was to honor the skateboard community, fundraise, and support a growing community of like-minded people.   We could never have done this 10 years ago, or maybe even 3 years ago. 

   For many years after DJ passed away our family didn't want anything to do with skateboarding.  DJ passed away because he hit his head skateboarding so obviously it was a cause of pain for us all.  

    After a few years though, my family and some local people in my community helped create a DJ's day in honor of DJ's birthday.  Attending the event this week, made me think of DJ's day. We did this event for a few years.  We had ramps for people to skateboard on, people skateboarding, bands playing music, and roller skaters from a local women's rollerskating derby. We were able to give away over 1800 skateboard helmets for free to the community, along with free t-shirts, and music, We gave away a lot of chocolate cupcakes because DJ was a fiend for chocolate!  He stashed candy bars in his room so his siblings wouldn't eat them- we found this out after he passed away... God is an amazing tattle-teller I always say.  

     Looking back now, I wish I had been able to thank all the people who helped me properly. I have often felt guilty that I didn't thank everyone- maybe have them to our home and thank them that way or write cards, or offer dinner to all the volunteers, make a speech at the event or something. I have always felt bad about that.  But now I realize I was just grieving so much at the time that I was left emotionally and physically exhausted by the time the event was over.  People were wonderful, volunteering their time and skills for the event.  People donated funds so we could get more helmets in the following years, to pay for the food, shirts, etc that we bought for the event.  The media came and supported the event, it was a great event.  I wish I had thanked everyone but I have had to be kind and forgiving to myself because I simply didn't have the mental capacity to even think about that back then. 

    The event was exhausting, and it was especially emotionally exhausting.  I feel if I were to do it over again, I would have had people who were not attached to my story continue to run it.  It was too painful for me to do over and over again.  As much as I wanted to honor DJ's life doing it, it was just too hard emotionally to continue it.  It was hard on me, and my family, and was emotionally taxing on all of us.

    SO, IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND ARE ONE OF THE MANY PEOPLE WHO LOVINGLY REMEMBERED DJ AND HELPED-  THANK YOU!  I KNOW I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU.  

    I now honor DJ by giving away my book.  I wrote Flowers on a Child's Grave Now What? after he passed to help other grieving parents. If anyone you know needs a copy please reach out to me directly at flowersonachildsgrave@gmail.com.  

    If you are reading this and have had family and friends who lost a child and never really responded back to you when you helped them- forgive them.  I wish now that I had thanked everyone properly for all their help but I was barely able to stand up some days and I was too emotionally drained to think about it at the time.  

    If you are someone reading this and you received help from others after your loss- thank them if you are able, pay it forward if you are able, and if not- forgive yourself and move on.  I wasn't able to thank people at the time, but now I try to pay it forward by giving my book away.  The timing wasn't right back then- I needed healing, I needed the grief to be less, I needed the raw pain to be less to begin helping and thanking others.

    I guess my final statement would be this- just be kind and forgiving to one another and yourself- be kind to the one grieving, and be kind to yourself if you are grieving.  Just be kind in a world that isn't always kind.  

    Lisa