Apparently I am supposed to start blogging again...

    This morning I woke up at 4 a.m., let the dogs outside, poured a cup of coffee, and opened up my computer to start my day.  What popped up on my screen surprised me.  It was the last post I had written for Flowers on a Child's Grave Now What? blog.  I haven't been on it in years.  I didn't even know how to get back on it if I had wanted to.  It all feels a little otherworldly directed if you ask me- as if DJ is saying- "Hello! Get back to it, you can do it!"  from the other side!

    Let me reintroduce myself a bit- my name is Lisa Epperson, I have been married 34 years, and have two adult children- a beautiful daughter, an amazing son, and our son DJ watching his family from heaven. DJ was 13 years old and wanted to be a professional skateboarder. He wore his helmet when he was learning new tricks, but he wasn't on the day of the accident.  He was hanging out with his best friends, went down a hill that I had told him not to go down before because it was so steep, and flipped off his board once, fell back on his head, got up, and fell back again.  There are many more details I could share but I will add those in another post.  By the time the ambulance took him to the hospital, it was too late.  His brain had swelled too much, too fast and there was no bringing him back.  My life and my family's life changed forever that day. 

    After DJ passed away, it was hard.  So so hard.  Our family nearly went bankrupt twice due to the extreme grief and inability to function very well.  I tell people that the grieved person has a movie playing in their head, of a life they had before the death of their loved one.  They may look like they are paying attention to you, and appear to be watching and listening but in reality, they are viewing the movie in their head and cannot function in both planes very well.  That was us, my family, me.  We weren't doing very well for a long time.  

    I had a very close friend compare the loss of DJ to the loss of her dog.  I get it now, she was just trying to connect with me on a level of grief, of her grief. I am not angry and bitter by that comment anymore but it hurt at the time.  It was the catalyst for me writing a book to help other bereaved parents never hear those words again. Those painful words turned into Flowers on a Child's Grave, Now What? How 13 Families Survived the Loss of their Child.   I interviewed 13 families and asked them over 20 questions such as how the loss affected their work, family life, intimacy, the best advice they got, the worst, what they did to honor their child, and more. The children are from 20 minutes of age to 35 years of age and passed away from disease, suicide, accidents, etc.  Unfortunately, it was easy to find parents to interview, there are many of us in this club, a club with extremely high dues, that none of us want to be in. I give my book away almost weekly.  

    It has been 17 years since DJ has been gone.  So much has happened that I cannot write it all down today.  I am hoping that I will be able to find my old posts and repost them, I feel it will happen since here I am posting today out of the blue.  But here is one big thing- I went back to school.  I went back to school after almost 30 years to become an attorney.  I loved my law classes when I was first in college and I was at a point in my previous career where I hated what I was doing. My husband remembered how much I enjoyed Business Law and Criminal Justice classes and suggested I go back and finish my degree.  I thought "How hard can it be?"  (I have a mentality, that if I don't know something is hard, if no one tells me how hard it is, I can do it- I don't know if anyone else thinks this way- maybe I am alone in this- but it has helped me get a lot done in my life).  So I went back. I finished my undergrad, and I took the LSAT three times because those games are sooooo sooooo hard- if you know you know.  I got the score I wanted to get into the law school I wanted and went to law school at 50.  

    I was wrong about it being hard- it was hard.  I was competing with young 20-somethings, who mostly had all wanted to be a lawyer and had an understanding of basic things I had forgotten or never knew.  These kids had worked at law firms or had a school path that fit nicely with law school.  I did not.  It was hard.  After my first year, I didn't do very well.  The school put me on academic probation and I wasn't able to take classes that first summer.  I am so thankful that happened now, but then it was heartbreaking.  A former alumni from the law school reached out to the school looking for a student to do some pro bono work at his firm over the summer- the firm was a personal injury law firm.  I knew nothing about this type of work, but I was not in class and I needed to keep myself in the law world somehow.  I met with the attorney for an interview, and we ended up talking at a tea shop for almost 2 hours.  I told him about my book and that I wanted to do cyber-law after school.  He asked me if I didn't want to consider becoming a personal injury lawyer instead because of my story.  I told him no, I needed to be in a field that was in high demand especially since my window was so much shorter to work than most of my classmates.   Well, after two months of work, I knew he was completely correct, and personal injury law was exactly what I wanted to do. 

    My school career got back on track, it crisscrossed a bit, and it was rocky but it ended well.  I became an attorney and I was sworn in this year.  I began working as a personal injury lawyer at a firm after graduation.  I learned a lot at the firm I was at, but it just wasn't a good fit for me.  I absolutely loved my clients, and I was able to help them with their grief and help them get the money they deserved.  I was able to do some good while I worked there.   

So now, why do I think the blog opened up today of all days?  I have a theory that I will share...

    I feel that because of the loss I had, the loss of DJ, and the grief I had and continue to have, I am in a unique position as an attorney.  I can connect with people who have a loss, and who grieve.  Not all grief is about losing a child or loved one, it can be the grief of losing a life you thought you were going to have. The grief that comes from an injury that completely steers your world in a direction you never wanted, the grief of a hobby you no longer can do, the grief of not being able to spend time with your children or family on outings because the pain of walking is too much, the grief of not being able to provide for your family anymore because of your injuries.  Grief takes on so many titles, it robs, it destroys, and it sucks.  

     Last week I resigned from the firm I was at.  I walked away from a nice salary and benefits.  I walked away because I want to do good for people. I want to help people because I know their pain, I know how much their lives are going to change and I want to walk beside them and make it a little easier if I can.  I know how much grief destroys and if I can help people with their grief just a little bit,  be it a kind word, a copy of my book, or a settlement that can help change their lives a little, then that is what I am going to do.  

    Why did my blog open up?  Maybe, just maybe, to confirm for me that I am on the right path.  It is scary to walk away from a job and a salary, it is scary to not know what the next step is going to be. But I have mentors, a family that supports me, a unique story that is mine and my family's and I believe God will direct it all.  He has never let me fall and as long as I do what is right, He won't now.  

    If I can get the blog to work properly, I will start blogging more and keep everyone posted on what is going on- if not then I wrote this for myself, for my family, and for DJ.